There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The best revenge is premature balding
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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