you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
