A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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