Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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