This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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