Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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