I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
