I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
