: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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