fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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