I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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