I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
