I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
