well you can't waste a boner
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
