i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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