I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
