this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
