I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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