"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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