Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize