capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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