if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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