I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
