Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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