I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize