can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
