Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
