the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and she was petting her beer can
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
