I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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