I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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