I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
