I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize