Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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