I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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