ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
