thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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