My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
