ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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