Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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