Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
