My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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