We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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