Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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