I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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