i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize