Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
