Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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