Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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