Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
