No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
