And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
