hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
