I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
