Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
