Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
