is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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