everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
