I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
