i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
