I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
