tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
