can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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