i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
