Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize