how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
