we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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