My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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