The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
