Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
