i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
