I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
