hell yes lets make some ravioli
we made out on top of his cat.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
