is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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