i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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