fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize