you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
