looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
