somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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