dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize