Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
