so explain again why im purple
no
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
