My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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