I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
