you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
