2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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