I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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