Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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