:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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