its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
