I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize