He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize