dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
