I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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