Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
