He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
