We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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