a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Actions speak louder than pants.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
