sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
