I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
