meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
