So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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