No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
