You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
