Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
