Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
