so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
