as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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