omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My balls are so social today.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
