He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
